Transitions

Today was a day of worry, stress, reflection, hope and praise (in that order)I'm thankful I've lived long enough to know that when God closes a door He truly does not only open a window, but a new pathway that He has planned for me. I can trust Him for that. I'm stressed out in this time for the changes that are "threatening" and may very well come to pass, but as I "worked" it out, with God reminding me He controls it all, I was so comforted by the fact that He's always been there for me. Even when I didn't know it and felt very alone as a young woman.There isn't any calamity that can suddenly fall upon me that isn't God filtered. I know that now.Do I like what I see on the horizon? No--but my love affair is with God, and He'll never ever let me down or allow anything to happen to me that He doesn't permit in His sovereign will.Some of the most interesting and most blessed things in my life have happened when I was put on a path I hadn't planned.


"The question was raised
As my conscience fell
A silly, little lie
It didn’t mean much
But it lingers still
In the corners of my mind

Still you call me to walk
On the edge of this world
To spread my dreams and fly
But the future’s so far
My heart is so frail
I think I’d rather stay inside

But You love me anyway
It’s like nothing in life that I’ve ever known
You love me anyway
Oh Lord, how You love me
How You love me

It took more than my strength
To simply be still
To seek but never find
All the reasons we change
The reasons I doubt
And why do loved ones have to die?

But You love me anyway
It’s like nothing in life that I’ve ever known
You love me anyway
Oh Lord, how You love me

I am the thorn in Your crown
But You love me anyway
I am the sweat from Your brow
But You love me anyway
I am the nail in Your wrist
But You love me anyway
I am Judas’ kiss
But You love me anyway

See now, I am the man that called out from the crowd
For Your blood to be spilled on this earth shaking ground
Yes then, I turned away with this smile on my face
With this sin in my heart tried to bury Your grace
And then alone in the night, I still called out for You
So ashamed of my life, my life, my life

But You love me anyway
Oh, God… how you love me

You love me anyway
It’s like nothing in life that I’ve ever known
You love me anyway
Oh Lord, how You love me

You love me, You love me
You love me, You love me
How You love me
How You love me
How You love me."

If the rain or sun comes God, I praise You!!!

Freedom

Today was a hard day, lots to think about, so I sort of kept my brain's second hard drive on prayer and meditation mode.

I ran into myself today, maybe with a mix of my Amygirl, too; a casual acquaintance that reminds me of Amy with her tattoos, and piercings, etc. She would easily have been likely to stop at Rockin Willies to visit Amy when she was there, fitting in perfectly at one of David's shows etc. Thus to say I've a bit of a soft spot for her. She came from a far away state with her boyfriend to live here. Watching her happily adjusting to working in a traditional work situation and talking to a much older generation as she helps them on the phone. I'm a schmuck for the underdog and the disenfranchised. She announced today she was homeless because her bottom dweller of a boyfriend announced they were breaking up as of this moment and she suddenly had no place to live last night. Only 18, she was trying not to cry as she continued in her much needed job. I was a very traditional type girl compared to most but I know what it's like to have been young and dumped by a selfish person and suddenly find yourself completely alone.

It's my place to be professional etc. I hardly know her but my heart broke. A mutual acquaintance frowned on me when I told the girl I was proud of her for holding herself together and finding a way to work after she had to suddenly spend the night at the bottom dweller's mom's house. Do we turn our back on society just because they made some poor decisions? She was raised by her great grandmother and they gave the room away when she moved out. She had freedom of choice and she chose poorly. Do we pass the cup of compassion or judgement?

I was also thinking today of how many times my world traveler daughter Amy refers to her overly sheltered background with lack of fashion and TV channels etc. As I sat down today to watch my Hercule Poirot on the PBS station memories crashed in about all the wonderful stuff we used to watch on PBS because of our TV depravity. It showed a girl looking in a telescope as one of their ads. It reminded me of how the lack of the world's depravity as my children were raised in Walpole NH enabled my children to soar in their own dreams without the crushing of peer pressure to do what maybe they weren't ready for. For as much as some things were too legalistic with our church folks rules and expectations, my older kids had a wonderfully protected life that made room for each of them to blossom fully. I met a little girl today that may not have had a parents love, care and nurturing. Was she free or were my children free?

God cares for them all. I'm praying this little 18 year old will find God's love in Jesus and not be alone and vulnerable to the next bottom dweller because she could find her full value in the price Christ paid for her.

~But those who trust in the LORD will find new strength. They will soar high on wings like eagles. They will run and not grow weary. They will walk and not faint.~

Fall Memories

Fall "Autumn" is my all time favorite time of the year. Sights , smells and sounds imprint our brain with memories and I can't think of a season that has done that more for me than Fall. Timeless memories of pretty colorful leaves on the ground....raking them up on a lazy afternoon--to see how large a leaf pile we could create so we could jump off the porch into the huge pile. School dresses in beautiful plaids newly made by my mom, with new lunch pails and pencils for school. Long walks home after the bus left me off --shuffling my feet thru the paths of dried leaves.

I remember long walks in the woods, looking for hickory nuts to crack open for a snack. Beautiful dark purple grapes in the vineyard behind Mr Toro's house. The smells of gorgeous leaves on the ground, damp with the Fall rain. Times going to the Danbury Fair to see the Clydesdale Horses....the harvest of the season at every display. I'll never be too old to remember how wonderful it all felt, even now. I put out the pumpkins at the door near the mums. Our house is surrounded by a carpet of gold and red leaves that reflect this beautiful light/aura around the house. I realize they have to be raked--David's job this year :-)---but right now I enjoy them and my heart is overwhelmed with thankfulness to God for all his bounty.

~~The heavens declare the majesty of God~~~

Raging Waters 2011

It's odd that I've not blogged/journaled about Hurricane Irene yet. It's wrecked havoc across Vermont. Not sure what to say about it...so overwhelming it puts even this chatty Cathy to silence. But it's huge here. People are suffering. Roads and historic homes and bridges are washed away by streams that became raging rivers. There's much to do to help.

It's funny how so much beauty can be seen in such stark contrast to such darkness. People are despairing and suicidal, I'm told. In myself, I feel like I'm starting on a very good road. It's all about God and what He wants me to do. A new beginning... I desperately need this...to feel needed and helpful and yes even someone who people would be blessed to know. I'm so incredibly thankful to God for His never ending second chances. Life is rich and beautiful. Young people sometimes don't think us older folk feel and move with the same intensity or sense of joy that they do...but I can attest that this old lady feels full of hope and brand new. Bring it on!